By “There’s this moment, especially when I’ve taken care of someone for a while, where I’ll walk outside and I’ll go fill up my gas tank and it’s like: Wow, all these other people have no idea that we just lost someone great. The world lost somebody great, and they’re getting a sandwich.”
— Hadley Vlahos
As hospice nurses, we are granted an intimate insight into how individuals approach the inevitable end of life. We bear witness to their preparations, observe their emotions, and accompany them on their journeys.
Hadley Vlahos, a devoted hospice nurse based in New Orleans, shares her experiences in her captivating book called “The In-Between: Unforgettable Encounters During Life’s Final Moments”. Recently, she opened up to the New York Times about the profound moments she has encountered. Vlahos reveals that she has seen patients who have battled illness for years without expressing any last wishes for their funerals. On the other hand, she has also witnessed individuals reaching the incredible milestone of 100 years, who are now accepting and embracing the approaching embrace of death.
“I have spent enough time around people who are close to 100, over 100, to know that once you start burying your children, you’re ready,” Vlahos disclosed to the New York Times. She further expressed that she has never encountered anyone aged 100 or above who still desires to cling onto life. They perceive their existence as filled with loved ones, but as time progresses, those dear souls move on to the afterlife. And eventually, so do they.
See: Planning to die at home? Here are 5 things to consider first.
Planning Ahead for the End of Life
With a massive following of 1.7 million on TikTok, Vlahos is no stranger to the realities of life and death. However, not everyone is prepared for these daunting conversations, especially those grappling with illness. Vlahos shared a heart-wrenching story of a cancer patient who passed away after three years, leaving the family with the distressing task of deciding whether to bury or cremate their loved one. This lack of prior discussion is rooted in a culture that emphasizes the idea of conquering any illness.
End-of-life planning, just like estate planning, necessitates challenging conversations within families. The sooner these discussions take place and relevant documents are prepared, the more straightforward it will be for loved ones when faced with making difficult decisions. These comprehensive plans go beyond burial or cremation preferences and encompass how the deceased wishes to distribute their assets and be remembered. Throughout these tough talks, the focus should be on providing peace of mind for all involved.
Despite her extensive experiences in navigating end-of-life matters, Vlahos admits to an uncertainty about what lies beyond this life. People often turn to her seeking answers, but she humbly acknowledges that nobody truly knows what awaits us on the other side.
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